Farewell TaB

by Andy Wood on October 17, 2020

in Spoofs

(Originally published in February 2013, with the last stanza added in light of yesterday’s tragic news.)

It’s hard to explain to a Diet Coke fan
Or a four-wheel-drive, six-pack and Marlboro man,
But I still get my kicks from a little pink can –
It’s TaB, baby.  It’s TaB.

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An Unholy Beginning to Holy Week

by Andy Wood on April 15, 2019

in Tense Truths

This is embarrassing.

No precedent for this.

The late George Carlin once said that the funniest things happen at the times you’re supposed to be the most serious. He was prophetic.

No class in seminary, no 32 years of church leadership ever prepared me for this dilemma.

I know it’ll bring theologians out of their ivory towers and critics far and wide. But someone (a fool probably) once said that confession is good for the soul. So here goes.

It was an unholy beginning to Holy Week.

[click to continue…]

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Microfono sala conferenze

I have news.

Big news. News some of you have been waiting four years to hear.  And you can say you read about it first here.

I am pleased to announce that the Spiritual Gifts Commissary (SGC), after lots of coffee, reviews of old church bulletins, and listening to hours of Spurgeon sermons on cassettes, has officially declared a new collection of Ten Spiritual Gifts You Won’t Find in the Bible.

This is exciting.

No longer are you limited to a narrow list of spiritual gifts found in places like Romans 12, Ephesians 4, or 1 Corinthians 12.  The Holy Ghost can manifest Himself in all sorts of ways.  Still skeptical? Consider this:  Past surveys have indicated that more than 20% of American Christians claim to have spiritual gifts never mentioned in scripture.

That many fired and wired believers couldn’t possibly be wrong.


Anyway, by definition, a spiritual gift is an unusual ability to demonstrate God’s life and power in ways that can’t be explained by talent or random circumstances. And according to the Bible, all believers have some sort of spiritual gifting.

But what? How can you know?

That’s where the SGC comes in.  In addition to the 17 gifts mentioned in scripture, they have explored other ways that people in Church World demonstrate such other-worldly force, it must be a gift.  Possibilities include the gift of condemnation, complication, or word of ignorance.  It would be well worth the time to review the original list here. Or even better, check out the lists here and here.  Who knows? Maybe the pointing towards your anointing can be found tucked away in one of those.

But wait! There’s more!  Here, in alphabetical order, are ten more Church World manifestations that may well explain how you or someone you put up with love are endowed. [click to continue…]

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funny surprised girl  with glasses reading books

Well, the spring semester is well under way and the papers are already starting to fly.  Most of them get their well-deserved grades and get sent back with a little feedback.


But every once in a while a student will arrest me with a statement that is profound, beautifully written, or just plain funny.  And so over the years I have kept a file of favorite student quotations.

This edition is dedicated to some of the smiles or laugh-out-loud statements I have seen over the years.  Keep in mind that all of these were written for a grade, so humor carries a bit of risk when you’re supposed to be writing about serious things.  That didn’t stop this bunch.

So have a smile break on me and enjoy these seven… Click here for a smile or two… you’ll be glad you did.

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Raw Chicken

Have you ever had somebody you wanted so badly to impress that you were sure to set yourself up for disaster?

Not really?

Okay, you can just laugh at my story then.

I was in my first pastorate – a lovely country church just out on the edge of a small town in southwest Alabama.  People there were so kind and gracious to us.  I was new and eager to impress, plus was passionate and excited about reaching people and seeing the church grow and flourish.

But this isn’t about reaching people or growing churches.  It’s about chicken.

Grilling chicken, to be precise. [click to continue…]

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One Stop Shopping

by Andy Wood on October 17, 2014

in 100 Words, Photos

Spirit store 2

Here it is!

Mobile’s answer to one-stop shopping.

While you’re picking up your Tommee Tippee Back to Nature bottle warmer (currently on sale at you-gotta-be-kidding-me prices), you can also check out some fake blood or a Walking Dead costume next door.

We’re talking odd couple convenience, friends. [click to continue…]

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All Your works shall give thanks to You, O Lord… Psalm 145:10

This is a work of God.

This little guy has lived at my house longer than I have.

Throughout the summer he’s maintained this exquisite work of art, despite several collisions with humans.

He’s not alone.

He joins with all creation, using their gifts and design, worshipping their Creator.

And on days like this, I get to have a front-row seat.

Blue jays, cardinals and mockingbirds call to each other nearby. [click to continue…]

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Old Jalopy

The Rental

Last week we made a cross-country U-turn and returned to Lubbock for a wedding and some work and training.  We needed to rent a car, but weren’t too worried about it.  Hey, it was Wednesday, in June, in Lubbock Texas.  What could possibly be a problem with renting a car?

Texas Tech University, that’s what.  It’s the tail that wags everybody’s dog in Lubbock, and it seems they were having Freshman Orientation or something, and all the cars were booked.  Except at Hertz.  So we stand in the long line and wait.  Finally I tell the desk jockey I would like an SUV for four days.

“I can do that rental for $131.00,” she says.  I’m impressed.  “Go for it,” says I.

Turns out that was $131.00 a day.  Something about supply and demand.

Oh well.  Sometimes you’re just running on five cylinders.

(Speaking of supply and demand, the next day Alamo had a supply – $21.00 a day for a Camry – and I made a demand that Hertz take their gold-plated rental back.) [click to continue…]

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When Life Hands You Buzzards

by Andy Wood on January 3, 2014

in Turning Points

Deer Bluff

(Looking up from below Deer Bluff. The picture doesn’t do it justice.)


Family reunion at the farm, and it was crowd-ed.  People were in every nook and cranny, and I don’t even know what a cranny is.  I just needed to get away and spend time with the Lord. I so wanted to be refreshed by His presence and hear His voice speak to me in the way only He can.

What better way to do that than to enjoy the Father’s presence in nature?  I was about 16 at the time, and for me that could only mean one thing – mount Grandaddy’s old Ford tractor and make the trek to the enchantment of Deer Bluff. [click to continue…]

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How to Make Turkey Nuts

by Andy Wood on November 18, 2013

in Spoofs

Turkey NutsDecember 1944.  The 101st Airborne, under the command of General Anthony McAuliffe, held the little town of Bastogne, Belgium, “at all costs” under siege by the German army.  On the morning of December 22, four Germans came up the road carrying a white flag.  Everybody hoped they were offering to surrender. Instead, they presented an ultimatum from the German commander:  “the honorable surrender of the encircled town.”

McAuliffe glanced at the message and said, “Aw, nuts!”

A sergeant sent the one-word reply and the rest is profound military history.

What we didn’t know until today is that McAuliffe was actually saying he missed those mixed nuts his mama used to make and have out for all the company at Christmas time.

That’s the power of Turkey Nuts®, friends.  They can change history.  (Or at least try to rewrite it.)

And now, for the first time ever, the LifeVesting Culinary Institute is making available our own patented recipe.  And because this information is so potentially beneficial to you, we are offering it as investment in your health, absolutely free of charge.

You’re welcome. [click to continue…]

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