When it comes to relationships, are you a builder or a buster? I’ve known both, and I’m sure you have, too.
Relationship builders are liked. Respected. Trusted. They believe in the deep, abiding value of relationships with others, and invest their lives in nurturing them. But they also seem to go about relationship building in an almost-effortless way.
Relationship busters are different. They may get along with anybody for a season, but sooner or later their relationships tend to blow up or fall apart. Or they live in constant relationship drama.
One of the things I have learned about relationships is that a large part of them are an inside job. That is, there is a difference between the way builders and busters think. And whatever controls your thinking right now establishes the course of your relationships for a long time.
In his letter to the Colossians, Paul writes from a Roman prison and encourages them to engage in linking thinking: [click to continue…]
(The Further Adventures of Eugene Davis, Sophomore Christian)
“I’ve found it!”
I looked up from my desk to see the beaming face of Eugene Davis, my favorite sophomore Christian. Eugene had been following Christ less than two years, but had shown considerable growth during that period.
Trouble was, he knew it.
His zeal for new knowledge was refreshing. But his impatience with others and the seriousness with which he took himself could be annoying.
“Must be another evangelism gimmick,” I thought to myself as I asked politely, “Found what?”
“I’ve found THE sign of a good parent.”
Now I had learned not to be surprised at anything that came from Eugene’s mind, and since I had recently started teaching a class in effective parenting, he succeeded in getting my attention. I thought I had heard them all – unconditional love, “I messages,” eye contact, firm discipline, etc. – but no conference or seminary class had ever prepared me for this. [click to continue…]
It’s time for a resurrection.
Namely, yours.
You have focused on death long enough.
It’s time for another kind of reckoning.
Christians worldwide seem to have a fascination with death. Pass most any church and somewhere you’ll find a cross – a symbol of public execution and death. Listen to us talk about spiritual growth and overcoming sinful habits and somebody will mention the Bible principle of being dead to sin. Listen to our music or examine what there is of our art, and you hear descriptions of a life so surreal you have to, well, die to get there, or we celebrate the death that Jesus died to make it possible.
Lest I be misunderstood, all of that is true. But it’s only half the truth. [click to continue…]
If your paychecks came from Ford Motor Company in the 1970s, you lived in an ugly time. Morale was low. Sales were taking a beating. Quality was “job none.” And the company operated from an entrenched system of rules and regulations. Into that demoralized environment, Donald Peterson became Ford’s CEO in 1980.
Peterson showed up tossing words around like “teamwork” and “upward communication.” But words mean nothing to entrenched bureaucracies. So Peterson tried something radical – he left his office. He would walk into the offices of designers and ask simple questions like:
- Do you like these cars?
- Do you feel proud of them?
- Would you park one in your driveway?
I think you can guess the answer he received.
Your job, Peterson said, is to come up with the cars you think will sell – cars you can be proud of. The results were stunning and quick, by auto industry standards. The first significant product was the 1983 Thunderbird, followed quickly by the wildly successful Taurus, which became the best-selling midsized car in America.
That was just for starters. During the 1980s, Ford reversed its dismal previous performance to record then-record-breaking profits. Peterson was chosen by his fellow CEOs as the nation’s most effective leader, surpassing even Lee Iacocca.
What made the difference? Donald Peterson was a Side-by-Side Leader. In the words of Robert Richardson and Katherine Thayer, “Peterson didn’t accomplish all this by sitting behind a desk and telling people what he wanted done. He rolled up his shirt sleeves and jumped in. He provided a direction and goal and then participated in making them reality.”
Your Worst Skydiving Fear
Imagine you are an inexperienced skydiver. You’ve been on a few jumps, but still think of yourself as a rookie. It’s a beautiful day for flying and jumping out of airplanes, so up you go. You reach the point where it’s time to pull the ripcord, and it malfunctions. To your horror, so does the backup chute.
Suddenly it’s not such a good day for jumping out of airplanes. [click to continue…]
Pssst.
Hey.
Yes, you.
We need to talk. Really I need to talk and you need to just shut up and listen. I don’t mean to be mean. But the most elite fighting force in heaven or on earth is spread all around you. Their shields are up, and nothing can penetrate them. Their swords are drawn, and no force in hell or on earth can resist them. And they’re on your side.
And they’re doing absolutely nothing.
Just watching you get your brains beat out by an enemy that is smarter, craftier, and more powerful than you are. [click to continue…]
I believe that it is not dying that people are afraid of. Something else, something more unsettling and more tragic than dying frightens us. We are afraid of never having lived, of coming to the end of our days with the sense that we were never really alive, that we never figured out what life was for. – Harold Kushner
The great Presbyterian pastor Donald Grey Barnhouse was once riding in a funeral procession in Philadelphia when he noticed a large cargo truck running in front of the procession. From the way the sun was positioned, he noticed that the truck was casting a large shadow on the sidewalk. That shadow crossed light poles, road signs, and even people, and didn’t harm anything. No one would want to be in front of the truck, mind you, but the shadow was harmless.
Every one of us was born on the other side of something called “labor.” We enter the world completely helpless and fragile, totally dependent on the protection, care and kindness of others. We borrow the oxygen and assorted things for a span of time the Bible calls a “vapor.” Despite our claims to ownership, we take no possessions with us. And we end our sojourn on earth passing through something called a “shadow.”
Birth is a labor soon forgotten…
Life is a vapor quickly fading…
Possessions are an illusion suddenly passing…
Death is shadow silently creeping…
Is there any wonder we struggle sometimes to know what’s real? And what’s valuable? [click to continue…]
Does your team have what it takes to go the distance?
Something happens when people get together to forge a team. Unfortunately, that “something” isn’t always what you’re looking for. See if you recognize any of these teams from your experience:
Team Fritter. Talk about potential. It seems as though whenever they’re on the ropes, somehow the miraculous happens and they live to see another day. On the other hand, every time it seems they have the chance for that big breakthrough they flounder. Never fully realizing their potential, they choke every time they get ahead.
Team Glitter. This bunch has success written all over it. Smart, good-looking, and well-liked, things came fast and easy for Team Glitter. Too fast. And too easy. Before you know it, what appears to shimmer is anything but gold. And the team comes caving in under the load of its own scandal(s), greed, and dishonesty.
Team Bitter. Another story of lost potential, this team doesn’t have an integrity problem. It has an anger problem. A big anger problem. Sucked in by jealousy and dispirited by feelings of rejection or failure, this team sabotages its own enormous potential by holding onto the bitterness, anger, or mistrust. [click to continue…]
by Andy Wood on April 27, 2011
in Consumers, Enlarging Your Capacity, Five LV Laws, Life Currency, Love, LV Alter-egos, LV Cycle, Pleasers, Principle of Increase, Words
Frankford and 82nd. Sitting at the light. Laura Kate (age almost-3) and I have been on an adventure. And she is about to ask me a very important question. But first, a slight rewind…
“Laura Kate, first we’ll go to the grocery store. Then we’ll go by Grammy’s office and pick up some prizes she has for you.”
“That’s an awesome plan,” she says.
In between, she learns six (count ‘em) verses of an Easter song her uncle Joel and I wrote when he wasn’t much older than she is now. Which brings us to the traffic light near our house on the way home.
“Papa,” says the voice in the back seat. “Are you growed up?”
“What did you say?” I reply. “Am I growed up?”
“Yes,” she says, very seriously.
“Yeah,” I mutter. “I’m growed up.”
“Yay, Papa! You did it!”
Sometimes I wonder.
I wish it was that easy to claim maturity. Sometimes I think I’m still a kid when it comes to such things. And sometimes I feel, well, old. But there’s a difference between growing up and growing old. Peter Pan and his Lost Boys were only half right.
It’s OK to be a baby when you’re still a baby. But there comes a time when the word of God and the world of people come together to shout, “Grow up!” After addressing the Corinthians as a pack of carnal children, Paul writes to the Ephesians that “we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ” (Ephesians 4:15).
How do you measure your maturity? How do you know when you’re growing and when you’re floundering? Let me hasten to say that maturity isn’t found in big words or fat bank accounts, or your ability to make babies or get a job (although keeping a job may impress a few people).
In gauging your maturity level, I have found five things that act as measuring rods for progress. You are as mature as: [click to continue…]
Occasionally I come across somebody who remembers an era when I sang a lot or wrote a lot of music. They graciously tell me they miss that, and openly wish I would return to it, or “do something with it.”
Honestly, it feels nice to hear that. But I won’t be singing “He’s Alive” this Easter, and I haven’t written a song that doesn’t end in “oh, doo-dah-day” in 13 years.
Even more frequently, I see somebody who heard me preach, or was in a church where I served as pastor. More kind words. More open wishes.
Truth be told, if feels nice to hear that, too. But so far I’m not planning on preaching this Easter, and I haven’t served in a church leadership role in 16 months.
Do I miss those things? Of course. But that doesn’t mean that the gifts and callings behind them have been shelved or warehoused. Just redirected.
In an often-quoted Bible verse, Paul says that “the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). He’s referring to the Jews and their place in God’s heart and plan. But the implications are much broader than that. It speaks to Gentile me.
It speaks to you, too.
“God never changes his mind when he gives gifts or calls someone.” That’s how God’s Word translates it. Eugene Peterson says in The Message that they are “under full warranty – never canceled, never rescinded.”
You can run from your calling or abuse your gifts. You can make stupid choices that limit your effectiveness. You can be distracted by the world or rejected by the church, deceived by the devil or pursued by trivia. But your dead ends or detours haven’t changed your gifts and calling, and you’d be wise to recognize that.
Oh… sorry… you still here? I was preaching to myself and got distracted. Anyway… [click to continue…]
by Andy Wood on April 13, 2011
in Five LV Laws, Insight, Life Currency, LV Alter-egos, LV Cycle, Pleasers, Principle of Eternity, Protecting Your Investment, Tense Truths, Turning Points
Six Signs of a Spiritual Attack
“Well, how did it go?” Robin wanted to know.
“I just want to be teachable,” I said in a hollow, measured voice.
“What did he say?” she asked – getting ready to rise up in my defense.
What did he say, indeed? The scene happened during my first pastorate. Our church had grown quickly and had experienced changes, which is never an easy thing. Now we were trying to establish our annual budget and define our biggest priorities. And a man I’ll call Joe wanted to know if he could meet with me.
When we got together, the first words out of Joe’s mouth were, “It is obvious that you aren’t here to help our church grow, but to make a name for yourself.”
Ouch.
I listened mostly (although I did tell him I didn’t appreciate him judging my motives). I listened as he talked about church’s former days. I listened as he talked about troublesome people. I listened as he offered his version of a solution to our problems. I listened (and stared, frankly) as he “led” us in prayer – weeping all the while.
And I went home, still listening.
I Hate Criticism.
For years I hollered to whoever would listen that “there’s no such thing as constructive criticism.”
I was wrong. [click to continue…]
When it comes to relationships, are you a builder or a buster? I’ve known both, and I’m sure you have, too.
