Gamblers

He is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

american-idol-stage“If only he can see how good I am,” Jake says to himself as he waits among the cast of thousands.  “Surely he will see what Mama and my cousins all see… and maybe, just maybe I could just be the next…”

Whoa, Dawg.  That’s a little pitchy for me.

On the banks of a river called Jabbock, a man watches the last of his family disappear on the other side, just as the sun begins to set.  On that side of the river, judgment day awaits.  For more than 20 years, Jacob has lived a charmed – and charming – life.  He married the woman of his dreams, has a dozen sons and a daughter, and is a biz whiz like, well, nobody’s business.

But the time has come to face down some ghosts from his past, and demons in his soul.  Jacob must face the twin he betrayed tomorrow.  But tonight, he has an appointment to meet with God.  And to face himself in the process.

Simon says:  Absolutely dreadful.

This kind of encounter allows for no distractions of any type.  [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Hanukkah Hams: Game Warden Edition

by Andy Wood on November 20, 2009

in Gamblers, LV Alter-egos

HuntingTomorrow gun season begins for deer hunters in my home state.  And what better way to celebrate than with another round of Hanukkah Hams!  In case you’ve missed previous editions, allow me to explain.  Hanukkah Hams are glorious acts of intelligence-gone-south.  Ideas that seemed to make perfectly good sense at the time, but leave you asking, “Huh?  What was I thinking?

In honor of my shotgun-totin’ four wheelin’ Bambi-chaser friends in Alabama and beyond, this edition of Hanukkah Hams takes to the woods or the marshes, the fields and even the lakes to remind you – the Second Amendment protects your right to bear arms.  But thousands of other laws exist to protect the deer, the antelope, and apparently every other known species known to man.

And frankly, all of this gets confusing.  I mean, really, did you actually read all those regulations when you got your license?  I just look for the dates when the shells and fur can start flying.

What’s more, everything varies from state to state, and even region to region.  So we here at the Hanukkah Hams Research Institute sought the help of a recognized expert.

Couldn’t find one of those.

So we checked with local Game Warden Burney Fife, who seemed to have a surprising amount of knowledge on the subject.  Here’s an excerpt from our interview: [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Crime“Thank you for calling Killinger, Meeks, and Nowlin.  This is Brenda.  How may I direct your call?”

“Hi, Brenda, this is Andy.  I need an attorney.  I’ve been busted.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir, but I’m sure we can help.  KillMeNow specializes in not being picky at all in who we represent.”

“Uh, thanks, I think.”

“So I can assist you further, can you tell me why you’re behind bars?”

“Well, it’s sort of embarrassing. [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

JerusalemJust across from the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem is a small mountain called Moriah.  Today the Dome of the Rock stands as the old city’s most visible landmark.  But there was a time when, on that very site, one of the most striking ancient structures of all time stood, calling the people of Israel to worship God.  I’d like to tell you why the Solomon’s temple was located there.

It all started with a colossal failure in leadership that left 70,000 people dead.

And the leader?  Israel’s wonder-boy, David.

You remember David, right?  [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Burnout“I will recognize that this day is a gift to me.  Today and every day I will take the time to encourage the encourager.  I will recognize that my greatest gifts become available to others only when I offer them first to myself and to my God.”  -from “The Encourager’s Creed

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything.”  -Psalm 46:10, The Message

+++++++++++++++++++

His innovative, radical ministry shook and shaped the town where he lived.  He started a church from scratch and tossed tradition on its ear.  He insisted that worship services be seeker sensitive – events that people would actually enjoy attending.  His preaching was simple and plain, filled with word pictures, practical application, and charisma.

He led his people to reach out with God’s love by establishing an innovative system of literature distribution and visitation.  In a matter of months his church went from mission to mega, with more than a thousand people attending his Thursday night Bible study.

He was a prayer warrior.  This guy spent an hour a day just praying for the Jews!  Another hour daily in general prayer and meditation.  An hour and a half in breakfast and family prayers.  Six hours in prayer and devotional reading on Sundays.

Oh, and then there was the revival.  Returning from the Middle East, he found the town turned upside down with a fresh invasion of the Spirit.  People came nightly to hear him preach the gospel.  Hundreds came to Christ.  Without question, he was one of the greatest Christian leaders any generation has ever witnessed.

He died in 1843.

Age – 29. [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

dscf1780There’s an old colloquial saying in Thailand that has become something of a joke.  Makes for a great t-shirt, too.  When foreigners would travel to the Land of Smiles, and ask if this whatever was the same as the whatever where they came from, or the whatever from another part of the country or town, the standard reply was, “Same same, but different.”

Why do they have the same two kinds of markets sitting right next to each other?  Same same, but different.

Are the people on the southern coast the same as the people in Chiang Mai or Bangkok?  Same same, but different.

Do the cooks turn out that Thai cuisine they way their grandmothers did it?  Same same, but different.

Today those who deal with the realities of change in this, the only nation in Asia never colonized, face great challenges and great opportunities.  And yet, they hold on to a culture that is the friendliest form of fierce independence I have ever met.  Same same, but different. [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

sleeping-studentOkay, you students of all things gloriously stupid!  Time for another round of Hanukkah Hams.  In case you’ve missed previous episodes, a Hanukkah Ham is a reminder of what can happen when unlicensed people are left free to drive an imagination without supervision.

What better place to discover colossal displays of “what-were-you-thinking” than in the hallowed halls of academia?  I once had a college professor that said, “College is the only place where people don’t want to get their money’s worth.” See if these true stories, drawn from the actual testimonies of college professors, don’t restore your hope in the future of America.

Remember, friends – these people will be managing your nursing home.  Or running your country. [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

runner-painI went to the Fred Flintstone School of Golf.  Simple philosophy:  when in doubt, hit the ball really hard.  When not in doubt, hit the ball really hard.

Maybe you’ve heard that old saying about golf – “You drive for show, and putt for dough.”  Suffice it to say, I’ve never made any money hitting a ball in a hole with a stick.  I have, however, put on a show or two by hitting a ball off a stick.

All of that is fine and fun, so long as you’re dealing with woods and wedges.  Life, however, is a different story.  A mere proverb in the Gentleman’s Game is brutal reality in the real world:

It’s not how you drive, but how you arrive.

Not how you start, but how you finish.  Magilla Gorilla and Fred Flintstone need not apply.

Life is filled with real and proverbial stories of people who started well, but finished poorly.  Rather than leaving a heritage, with inspiring and ennobling footsteps to follow, their names and stories are relegated to footnotes and questions that begin with, “Whatever happened to…”?

It’s up to you.  Will you be a driver, or an arriver?  I must warn you, if you decide to go the distance, the deck is stacked against you.  This is a marathon, not a dash, and you’re surrounded by gloriously mediocre runners and a grandstand full of fat critics.  But you do have a Coach – the Lord Jesus, Author and Finisher of your faith. Under His direction, you’ll learn to identify these six fool makers and finish breakers: [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

grasshopperThis week a friend sent me a poignant and compelling image that describes what it’s like to live in a climate or with a spirit of fear.  But the image is so strong, I think it describes anybody who feels as though they are in a no-win situation.

I feel like a grasshopper on the ocean hanging onto a leaf.  I cling to the leaf to keep from drowning.  If I eat the leaf to keep from starving, I lose my life preserver, and drown.

I’ll tell you later what he learned in the process.  But can you relate? [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

true-heartTense Truth: God gives you desires you can never satisfy and makes demands you can never fulfill.  He then goes about bridging the gap, doing for you what you can never do for yourself.  Your primary responsibility is to trust Him to be Himself – to rest in His faithfulness.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Have you ever felt like God was somehow playing a joke on you?  You hear people talking about being forgiven, and you feel guilty for, well, feeling guilty. You read the stories about miracle-working power, and wonder why you got left at the station.  You learn more and are less happy; work harder, but feel weaker.  You’ve learned to speak “Christianese” and go through the motions, but sometimes you just feel like a fraud.

What if I were to tell you that God has a glorious answer?  Something more liberating than a self-improvement project or yet another string of self-disappointments?

David’s Truth Discovery

For nearly a year, David had played the role.  The psalmist of Israel, the beloved king, had gone through the motions, mouthed the words, and tipped his hat to the man he once was.  Very few knew people the real story:  David was just a shell of the man he once had been. [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }