What did rejection look like to you on the school playground? What about Junior High? College?
What did rejection look like after you got married, or started a family? What does it look like today in your workplace or your worship space?
Describing your experience with rejection is like describing an encounter with a snake. Each experience is a little different, and the beast appears differently in every scene. But in each case the result leaves a story to tell and an emotional experience to re-live or respond to.
I’ve had my own experiences, of course. And I’ve seen it played out in countless lives…
Like the 59-year-old woman who said of her then-76-year-old mother, “Just once I wish I could hear my mother say I did something right.”
Or the only-child high school student who was rejected by his friends because he had a helicopter mother before the term was ever invented. She meddled, and her son, whom she was trying to help and advance, was hated all the more.
Then there was the businessman who was rejected in the business world because he was part of a revolutionary approach to financial services, but was obnoxious about it.
I knew a pastor once who was rejected by the deacons in his church. After years of service, they felt that it was time for a change. So they gave him a deadline and asked him to find somewhere else to go. When he was unable to, they cornered him about resigning, and he turned the rejection tables back on them. Unbeknownst to them, he showed up one Sunday morning with has car packed, he got up at sermon time, explained that he’d been asked to resign, and walked out the door. Ouch.
It may surprise you to know that some of the most memorable and powerful success stories in history are people whose lives arose from the ashes of rejection. [click to continue…]
Nobody talks about the life-changing leader who helped them raise their umbrella at the beach. Influence happens only rarely in comfort zones or times of ease. Vision is not the starry-eyed product of Monday morning quarterbacks or couch potatoes. Adversity was made for leadership. And leaders were made for adversity.
Seth Godin puts it this way: [click to continue…]
Thi lad I kne – a rathe larg, joll sor – onc joke, “I don’ hav a proble wit diet. I star on ever Monda!”
Th jok, o cours, hint a th proble.
Sor o lik th ki wh joine m scou troo afte bein a membe o tw other an wantin t star ove, workin o th ran o Tenderfoo.
Wh?
H like startin. Bu no pressin o o finishin. [click to continue…]
Tense truth: Since we all have points of glaring weakness, it is far more efficient to focus on our strengths and partner with others to address our weaknesses. But sometimes we can’t escape the necessity of addressing those areas of epic incompetence. The key is discerning when to hunker down and deal with it, and when to hand it off to someone else.
+++++++
Need some encouragement? I can help you with that.
Need to find the right words to express something? I’m your guy.
Need me to remember a meeting or handle a detail I told you I would? Sure hope I wrote it down. With a reminder. In more than one place. Why? Because I’m awful – I mean awful – at details. Just ask some of my students about my “absent minded professor” moments.
Um, better still, don’t. [click to continue…]
(Or Ministry… Or Job… Or Spiritual Gifts… Or Life Mission… Or…)
Years ago I had the privilege of visiting South Korea and preaching in two different evangelistic crusades. One day our hosts took us to a beautiful national park – a very busy place, with lots of booths, a walkway up a small mountain, and a Buddhist temple.
As we were walking down the mountain and enjoying the beautiful scenery along the wide walkway, a young Korean woman approached me and asked if I was from America.
“Could I talk to you as we walk?” she asked. “I’m learning to speak English and it helps to practice with someone who speaks it.”
She spoke English pretty well, albeit with a beautiful Asian accent.
“What do you do for a living?” she asked.
If you travel overseas or have any experience speaking to an ESL (English as a second language), it’s pretty common to try to simplify your vocabulary in order to be understood. I was a pastor at the time, and was pretty sure she wouldn’t know what a pastor was. So I chose a different word…
“I am a minister,” I said.
Her whole countenance changed. Suddenly she was in the presence of someone important!
“Oh! You are a government official?”
Yes, I know I shouldn’t have… but I literally laughed out loud. Then I tried to explain to her that in the U.S. we use the English word “minister” in a different way.
I think she was disappointed. Anyway… [click to continue…]
Well, the spring semester is well under way and the papers are already starting to fly. Most of them get their well-deserved grades and get sent back with a little feedback.
Next!
But every once in a while a student will arrest me with a statement that is profound, beautifully written, or just plain funny. And so over the years I have kept a file of favorite student quotations.
This edition is dedicated to some of the smiles or laugh-out-loud statements I have seen over the years. Keep in mind that all of these were written for a grade, so humor carries a bit of risk when you’re supposed to be writing about serious things. That didn’t stop this bunch.
So have a smile break on me and enjoy these seven… Click here for a smile or two… you’ll be glad you did.
Chances are, you instinctively know how important and powerful a little encouragement can be. Now there’s scientific evidence worth paying attention to that’ll back that up.
This was reported yesterday in Fast Company. A recent study published in the Basic and Applied Social Psychology Journal suggests that the more detailed and specific an adviser expressed confidence in a student’s potential for success, the more likely that student would be to take action to pursue that success. [click to continue…]
It’s been a couple of years now since I repented of New Year’s resolutions. I knew it was time when somebody asked me about mine a few years ago and I said, “Oh, you know, the usual.”
(Totally irrelevant side note: Wouldn’t be funny to go into a gym today or tomorrow and find some dude who’s built like a tank and who looks like he’s lifting one and say to him as those muscles rip through his shirt – “Ya’ know, those New Year’s resolutions never really work.” Anyway…)
That’s why when somebody introduced me to Mike Ashcroft’s idea and book a few years ago it really hit a nerve. The idea is very simple: Build your year around one simple word – one theme that describes who or where you want to be at the end of the year. What amazes me is how easy it is to land on a theme based on what I call my descants of the soul – the themes that seem to be repeating themselves in my life recently.
In 2011, my one word was Finish! I didn’t finish a lot, but it was exciting to think about. Lean was the word in 2013. And my one word for 2014 was One. Both have been helpful in shaping my thinking and focus for the year.
This one is different. It’s more of a call to action, and frankly, a part of me doesn’t like it. I’ve reached a point in my life where a significant part of me is screaming out for quiet, simplicity, retreat, and life on the porch.
Not time for that yet. [click to continue…]
There’s no question that Anthony is a leader in the making. His dad raised him to think for himself and test everything, and fully expects Anthony to outdo him. And Anthony has accepted the invitation, so to speak. He’s a visionary, a solution seeker, and has a bias for action, not just talk.
That said, Anthony is young and inexperienced. At least that’s what he’s told whenever he offers up an idea to Gary the Gatekeeper, Anthony’s boss and longtime mentor. Anthony does have some experience, and is about to complete his degree in college. But Gary the Gatekeeper still discredits anything Anthony offers by way of vision for the future.
“When I want to take action,” Anthony says, “I have to go to him and wait a month or more before he even looks at it. And so I can’t get anything done!” He adds, “Whenever I offer constructive criticism, Gary acts as though he’s under attack.” Anthony concludes, “What can you do with a leader who won’t let you grow up?”
It’s a fair question. How do you respond to a “leader” who spends more time blocking you than leading you? I should start by saying that such a person is not a leader in the truest sense of the word. The root nature of mature leadership doesn’t seek just to generate blind, thoughtless followers, but to enflame and empower a new generation of leaders. And at some point that requires some letting go.
But what happens when the leader has his own growing up to do? How should Anthony, or any other emerging leader, respond to an insecure control freak who is in a position of power or authority? [click to continue…]
Maybe it’s because I had another birthday yesterday, or maybe it’s because that birthday was also Election Day. Maybe it’s because I work with a school whose mission reads, in part, to “cherish character.” But lately I’ve had character on the brain.
Character in leadership.
Character development.
Character habits.
Dr. King envisioned a day when Americans would be judged “solely by the content of their character.” Our answer to that culturally is to try and not judge anybody at all. That is, until the tide of public opinion breaks the dam of political correctness. Or the electorate gets a belly full of whoever the incumbent is. Or the arrogant, narcissistic preacher or politician or boss-person overestimates their awesomeness one time too many.
In spite of our fascination with techniques, charisma, methods, or technology, people of influence still have to deal with the Character Connection.
You have to deal with it when you look in the mirror, when nobody else is looking.
You have to deal with it when you’re on the pedestal, when everybody’s cheering.
You have to do it in the outhouse, when everybody’s jeering, or they have forgotten you.
In spite of our efforts to prove otherwise (and we’ve had some pretty spectacular efforts), character earns the politician the right to legislate and pontificate. Character earns the right for the preacher to articulate truth. Character earns the business leader the right to profit in the marketplace of both money and ideas.
And a loss of character can undermine them all.
There are lots of ideas – good ideas – about what forms and sustains character when it comes to leadership. [click to continue…]