He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
“If only he can see how good I am,” Jake says to himself as he waits among the cast of thousands. “Surely he will see what Mama and my cousins all see… and maybe, just maybe I could just be the next…”
Whoa, Dawg. That’s a little pitchy for me.
On the banks of a river called Jabbock, a man watches the last of his family disappear on the other side, just as the sun begins to set. On that side of the river, judgment day awaits. For more than 20 years, Jacob has lived a charmed – and charming – life. He married the woman of his dreams, has a dozen sons and a daughter, and is a biz whiz like, well, nobody’s business.
But the time has come to face down some ghosts from his past, and demons in his soul. Jacob must face the twin he betrayed tomorrow. But tonight, he has an appointment to meet with God. And to face himself in the process.
Simon says: Absolutely dreadful.
This kind of encounter allows for no distractions of any type. [click to continue…]
Q. – Dad, why do you wait until Christmas Eve to do your Christmas Shopping?
A. – Because the stores are closed on Christmas Day.
Christmas has its own unique mashup of truth and myths, and every year somebody ultimately brings up both. I was asked on one occasion what my favorite Christmas myth was. I’d like to share my reply with you.
My favorite Christmas myth has nothing to do with Nativity scenes, jolly little fat men, or reindeer with nuclear sinus infections.
It has to do with people. [click to continue…]
Tomorrow gun season begins for deer hunters in my home state. And what better way to celebrate than with another round of Hanukkah Hams! In case you’ve missed previous editions, allow me to explain. Hanukkah Hams are glorious acts of intelligence-gone-south. Ideas that seemed to make perfectly good sense at the time, but leave you asking, “Huh? What was I thinking?
In honor of my shotgun-totin’ four wheelin’ Bambi-chaser friends in Alabama and beyond, this edition of Hanukkah Hams takes to the woods or the marshes, the fields and even the lakes to remind you – the Second Amendment protects your right to bear arms. But thousands of other laws exist to protect the deer, the antelope, and apparently every other known species known to man.
And frankly, all of this gets confusing. I mean, really, did you actually read all those regulations when you got your license? I just look for the dates when the shells and fur can start flying.
What’s more, everything varies from state to state, and even region to region. So we here at the Hanukkah Hams Research Institute sought the help of a recognized expert.
Couldn’t find one of those.
So we checked with local Game Warden Burney Fife, who seemed to have a surprising amount of knowledge on the subject. Here’s an excerpt from our interview: [click to continue…]
“Thank you for calling Killinger, Meeks, and Nowlin. This is Brenda. How may I direct your call?”
“Hi, Brenda, this is Andy. I need an attorney. I’ve been busted.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, sir, but I’m sure we can help. KillMeNow specializes in not being picky at all in who we represent.”
“Uh, thanks, I think.”
“So I can assist you further, can you tell me why you’re behind bars?”
“Well, it’s sort of embarrassing. [click to continue…]
A famous chicken franchise, run by a deceased military officer in a white suit, has a very specific, sequenced way of taking your order. Go to any store (at least any of the ones I frequent), and it doesn’t matter what you order or how you place it, you will be corralled into the proper procedure.
She: Welcome to KFC!
Me: I’ll have a three piece, original, with mashed potatoes and green beans.
She: Is that for here or to go?
Me: For here.
She: Okay. What would you like?
Me: Uh… Three piece, original, with mashed potatoes and green beans.
She: Okay. Original or extra crispy?
Me: (Bottom lip almost bleeding) Original
She: Aaand, what two sides would you like with that?
Me: Oh, just surprise me.
At times I’ve thought it must just be somebody’s unique personality quirk. [click to continue…]
“It seems plausible that folly and fools, like religion and magic, meet some deeply rooted needs in human society.” -Peter Berger, Redeeming Laughter
At a convention, filled with pastors and other very religious people, I was sitting on a shuttle bus going from the parking lot to the convention center. The bus made a stop, and on hopped Dennis Swanberg – comedian, and then-pastor. I recognized him, because we’d recently had him as a guest in our church. Somebody else recognized him too. A good ol’ boy hollered from the back of the bus, “Hey! Aren’t you Dennis Swanberg? Say sumpthin’ funny!”
Dennis smiled good-naturedly, but the look in his eye said it all: Seriously?
I joked with him about the cluelessness of the request. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s sorta like saying to a doctor in public, ‘Cure something,’”
One Planet, Two Kingdoms
Isn’t it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Where are the clowns? [click to continue…]
Laura Kate Wiley is finding her voice.
At 17 months, she’s off to a good start.
With safe surroundings and a fearless heart,
A free spirit and a supportive family,
She plays and rests and dreams and wants –
Sincerely believing that what she has to say actually matters.
She will need these things again and again,
As her world evolves and her voice is threatened.
Nobody can sing the songs meant for her alone.
Again and again, she will have to find her heart with clarity,
And express her mind with grace and courage.
So will you.
Find your voice.
by Andy Wood on October 28, 2009
in Ability, Consumers, Exploring the Possibilities, Five LV Laws, Hoarders, Life Currency, LV Alter-egos, LV Cycle, Pleasers, Principle of Abundance
Today I give up my small ambitions.
I will give thanks for the pleasures God has designed for me to enjoy,
But no longer will I allow my life to be driven by the pursuit of pleasure.
I will no longer sacrifice joy on the altar of happiness.
I will never again measure my success by my ability to escape pain.
Today I give up my small ambitions.
I will give thanks for the material blessings God entrusts to me,
But no longer will I associate money with happiness.
Never again will I believe the lie that gain is godliness,
Or that my worth is measured by what I own.
From this day forward, I will use things and love people,
Not the other way around.
Today I give up my small ambitions.
I will give thanks to God for the ways
I can be a blessing to others.
I will accept with humility
The words of gratitude and honor I receive from others.
But I will never again live to please other men.
Today I choose to get off the pedestal,
Knowing that I don’t have to live in the gutter to do so.
I will find my honor in being no more than a man,
But no less than a child of God.
Today I give up my small ambitions.
And instead, I reach for the stars.
I will spend my life in pursuit of my God-given destiny.
By His grace I will fulfill the purpose for which
I was created and redeemed by Christ.
By His love I will touch the lives of those He died for.
And by His power
I will span the breech between time and eternity.
From this day forward,
I will seek dreams as big as the heart of my God
And visions as great as the need of this world.
And though through human failure
I may never see all those dreams come true,
When I stand to face my Lord and my God,
I pray He will see a heart determined to do exploits for His glory.
Vision hurts.
Don’t believe me? Try dreaming about something that is exciting and important to you, only to be disappointed. But the alternative to vision isn’t much better. Instead of dreaming, you could play it safe. Be complacent. Wish for nothing and hit it every time.
Doesn’t sound like much of a choice, does it? Heartache or boredom. Tightrope with no net or treadmill with no hope. How do you make peace with your dreams? How do you keep from hating the whole process? How can you avoid “optiphobia” – the fear of vision?
Start with a little perspective. [click to continue…]
Just across from the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem is a small mountain called Moriah. Today the Dome of the Rock stands as the old city’s most visible landmark. But there was a time when, on that very site, one of the most striking ancient structures of all time stood, calling the people of Israel to worship God. I’d like to tell you why the Solomon’s temple was located there.
It all started with a colossal failure in leadership that left 70,000 people dead.
And the leader? Israel’s wonder-boy, David.
You remember David, right? [click to continue…]