Pleasers

The Ten Truths of Grace

by Andy Wood on September 24, 2010

in Five LV Laws, LV Alter-egos, Pleasers, Principle of Freedom

Time for full disclosure. 

In the previous post I shared ten false beliefs that lead to shame.  You may have your own variation, and probably do. 

Those are mine.  Every one of those came right out of my journal.

Not that I actually believe them, but they are the lies the enemy hurls or has hurled at me over the years.  And given the right set of circumstances, they can be very persuasive.

Maybe that’s why Jesus revealed Himself as the Truth (John 14:6).  God knew it would take a personal relationship with Truth-as-a-Person to ever set us free from the lies of shame. 

Stop. [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

The 10 False Beliefs of Shame

by Andy Wood on September 22, 2010

in LV Alter-egos, Pleasers

Feeling worthless lately?  Like you’re living under a cloud of futility or failure?  Chances are, it’s because you’re being lied to, and you’re choosing to believe the lie.  Below are ten hidden rules – ten lies – that, when we take them to heart, leave us knee-deep in a life of shame (and shame-based behavior).  They are beliefs, using lies, leading to shame, hopelessness, ineffectiveness, and turmoil.

See how many have seeped into your belief system:

1.  If I do it, I must do it reasonably well.

It doesn’t have to be perfect.  But it certainly should be awesome.

2.  If I do it reasonably well today, I must do it even better tomorrow.

Growth and improvement lead to better performance, which ultimately leads to perfection. [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Is That a Donkey on Your Back?

by Andy Wood on July 9, 2010

in Life Currency, LV Alter-egos, Pleasers, Words

An old fable passed down for generations (and doctored a little bit)…

An elderly man was traveling with a boy and a donkey.  As they walked through a village, the man was leading the donkey and the boy was walking behind.  The young people there said the old man was a fool for not riding, so to please them he climbed on the animal’s back.

When they came to the next village, the moms in the crowd said the old man was cruel to let the child walk while he enjoyed the ride.  To please them, he got off and set the boy on the donkey’s back and continued on his way.

In the third village, senior adults accused the child of being lazy for making the old man walk.  The suggestion was made that they both ride.  So the man climbed on and they set off again.

In the fourth village, the animal rights activists were indignant at the cruelty to the donkey because he was made to carry two people.

The frustrated man was last seen carrying the donkey down the road. [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Are You a Fumaholic?

by Andy Wood on June 25, 2010

in Ability, Consumers, Five LV Laws, Insight, Life Currency, LV Alter-egos, Pleasers, Principle of Freedom

“I feel like a man with three dollars in my pocket. Maybe a quart in my tank. And what astounds me is how quickly I think about spending what little I have. I get a little bit back in my soul and I start thinking about advancing the Kingdom. People that need my help. I get a little bit of God back in my tank and I start thinking about who I need to pray for.  Lord have mercy” (John Eldridge)

+++++++

Hi, I’m Andy, and I’m a fumaholic.

(All:  “Hi Andy!”)

I’m really glad to be here tonight to share my experience, strength and hope with you. The First Step says that “we admitted we were powerless over our fumaholism, and that our lives had become unmanageable.”  So tonight I thought I would share how my life got to that place.

I’d like to start with a couple of confessions… that is okay in a place like this, isn’t it?

(Room erupts with raucous laughter) [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Where Do You Turn for Validation?

by Andy Wood on June 1, 2010

in Esteem, Following Your Passion, Life Currency, LV Alter-egos, LV Cycle, Pleasers

Imagine for a minute that you’re five years old.  You have taken your crayons and, on your own initiative, made a card for your grandparents.  No special occasion… just an “I love you” message of your own design. 

Hopefully you are motivated by a simple desire to express love to your grandparents.  At the same time, even at age five, you probably also assume that your parents, teacher(s) or somebody will also be proud of you. 

Praise you.

Approve of you.

The big word for that:  validated.  And it feels good.

But what if you got something else in return?  [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Choosing Your Mistakes: Something I Need to Say Before I Die

by Andy Wood on April 22, 2010

in Five LV Laws, Hoarders, Life Currency, Love, LV Alter-egos, Pleasers, Principle of Legacy, Tense Truths, Time

In the course of this short year so far, I have been reminded suddenly, and sometimes rudely, how short life can be, and how there are no guarantees of the things or people we tend to take for granted in this world.

I have also been reminded that life is filled with the potential to make mistakes.  Sometimes those mistakes arise out of misguided values.  Sometimes out of boneheaded stubbornness.  Sometimes mistakes arise out of good things taken too far in self-serving directions.  Often those mistakes come when we lose our sense of balance.

I’ve thought a lot lately about how short life is, and frankly, sometimes how much shorter that I wish it could be.  Hillsong United’s “Soon” sure sounds appealing: [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

From Shame to Grace

by Andy Wood on April 16, 2010

in Esteem, Five LV Laws, Life Currency, LV Alter-egos, Pleasers, Principle of Freedom

And you will be called priests of the Lord, you will be named ministers of our God.

You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast.

Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion,

and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance;

and so they will inherit a double portion in their land,

and everlasting joy will be theirs (Isaiah 61:6-7, NIV).

It’s a scary journey, the move from shame to grace.  But it’s a journey every growing believer in Christ, every recovering addict, every healing soul must take.  The paths are often unfamiliar.  Lessons must be un-learned and relearned.  You will be forced to face down familiar, but largely unchallenged beliefs.

People who live in the realm of shame live in a world the Brennan Manning describes as “huffing and puffing to impress God.”

It’s a realm of performance.  Brownie points or self-condemnation.  Self-fixing mixed with wallowing in guilt.  Comparing ourselves to others in order to feel superior… or to prove what an absolute joke we are.  “You’re nothing,” shame whispers.  “And if people really knew you, they would agree.”

As much of a liar as shame is, sometimes it’s more comfortable to return to old patterns of thinking and feeling.  It’s embarrassing and uncomfortable to confront the truths of the scandalous grace of God.

“I am a creation of infinite worth?” Ridiculous.

“I am totally forgiven?” What do you mean, “totally?”

“I am completely loved, fully pleasing?” In what universe?  What absurd fantasy?

Challenge that!  Confess the truth, whether it lines up with your feelings or the twisted logic of shame or not.  And most of all, learn to accept the grace of God as it is expressed through the graciousness of others.

The secret is gratitude.  When a friend encourages you, when someone offers a gift, when another praises you, receive it with the same graciousness in which it was offered.

Try this for practice: [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

Leading and Loving “Bent Nail” People

by Andy Wood on March 21, 2010

in Ability, Enlarging Your Capacity, Leadership, Life Currency, LV Alter-egos, LV Cycle, Pleasers

(The Law of the Nail, Part 2)

In the previous post I introduced you to The Law of the Nail.  A corollary to the Law of the Hammer (“If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail”), the Law of the Nail says,

If you are a nail, and especially if you’ve been pounded a time or two, everything (and everybody) looks like a hammer.

That’s even true when you’re a light bulb, not a hammer.  Just watch the video:

Everybody gets banged up by people or by life sooner or later.  But sometimes we are faced with situations in which we must work with, lead, or love people who, in nail terminology, are really bent up.

Because you are on the same planet, much less in the same building or  room, they don’t trust you.  Doesn’t matter whether you have earned their mistrust or not.  They perceive, speak, and reason through their woundedness.  And as far as they’re concerned, you’re just another hammer, waiting for your chance to pound away at them.

So what do you do with these people?  Make their fears come true?  Write them off?  Get offended?  Ignore them?

I’d like to suggest that you have an opportunity to both get the job done (whatever “the job” is) and be an instrument of healing.  Here are some ideas: [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

American Idolatry

by Andy Wood on January 13, 2010

in Gamblers, LV Alter-egos, LV Cycle, Pleasers, Protecting Your Investment

He is jealous for me

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy

american-idol-stage“If only he can see how good I am,” Jake says to himself as he waits among the cast of thousands.  “Surely he will see what Mama and my cousins all see… and maybe, just maybe I could just be the next…”

Whoa, Dawg.  That’s a little pitchy for me.

On the banks of a river called Jabbock, a man watches the last of his family disappear on the other side, just as the sun begins to set.  On that side of the river, judgment day awaits.  For more than 20 years, Jacob has lived a charmed – and charming – life.  He married the woman of his dreams, has a dozen sons and a daughter, and is a biz whiz like, well, nobody’s business.

But the time has come to face down some ghosts from his past, and demons in his soul.  Jacob must face the twin he betrayed tomorrow.  But tonight, he has an appointment to meet with God.  And to face himself in the process.

Simon says:  Absolutely dreadful.

This kind of encounter allows for no distractions of any type.  [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

The Myth of the Early Christmas Shopper

by Andy Wood on November 27, 2009

in Consumers, LV Alter-egos, Pleasers

BestBuyblackfridayQ. – Dad, why do you wait until Christmas Eve to do your Christmas Shopping?

A. – Because the stores are closed on Christmas Day.

Christmas has its own unique mashup of truth and myths, and every year somebody ultimately brings up both.  I was asked on one occasion what my favorite Christmas myth was.  I’d like to share my reply with you.

My favorite Christmas myth has nothing to do with Nativity scenes, jolly little fat men, or reindeer with nuclear sinus infections.

It has to do with people. [click to continue…]

{ Comments on this entry are closed }

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →