In my job I encounter a lot of difficult people in situations. I’m having a hard time seeing them in God’s eyes, so how do you love unlovable people?
Well, you’re already a step ahead of most people because you used the word “love” as a verb. The reason most people have trouble loving difficult people is because to them “love” has something to do with a feeling, and they’re waiting around for the feelings to change. All the while Stanley Steamroller is still on a roll right over you, or Oliver Obnoxious is still giving you all the reasons you should feel inferior.
Grrrrrr. God loves you… but He doesn’t have to put up with you every day.
Can you imagine what it would be like to be on the other end of a frustrated phone call all day, every day? Or to work at a Customer Service counter where, no matter who shows up, there’s a problem and they aren’t happy about it?
Can you imagine being a server in a busy restaurant on Sunday when the after-church crowd comes rolling in?
Oh. Then there’s the bosses. The coworkers. The neglected or needy friends. The family member. And those are supposed to be for you! I remember one place I used to live. I didn’t have any enemies that I knew of. My friends made me want to leave town.
How do you feel love for people like that?
Another problem with loving difficult people is that we tend to wait until we’re face-to-face with them before we head to the love dispenser. By then it’s too late. [click to continue…]
You can’t.
You can walk it out. You can stand there and look humble while people tell you that you’ve got it. You can make corrections when you stand convicted of the need for some changes. You can use it to plead with God or The Man (whoever that is) for justice or a raise or something. You can even dare to mention it when you run for political office.
But you are not equipped to be the architect or builder of an integrated life – yours or anybody else’s.
This is no self-improvement process, friends. You can’t build integrity into your life by getting more information, imitating somebody else, or rigidly keeping a code of conduct. You can’t get it with an extreme makeover, a friendly takeover, or a cosmetic rake-over.
Integrity is an inside job. It’s the result of a transformational process that takes your dis-integrated self and changes you through and through by a power that is not your own.
That said, just as an office building is designed and constructed according to a set pattern, so your Master Designer and Builder follows a blueprint for building wholeness in you. And while you don’t have the power to do this yourself, your faith and submission to His work can help speed the process.
Each of these stages builds on the other, and I believe the order matters. And yet, these are all lifetime pursuits that we’ll never perfectly achieve this side of heaven. Designing and building a life of integrity involves: [click to continue…]
I’ve lost count of the number of times I have written this word – much less said it (at least to myself). It was a complete waste of time.
I’ve kept a journal for 17 years now (something I highly recommend), and there’s no telling how many times I confessed to this feeling. But not once did it ever create my future, solve a problem, or breathe life into a situation. In fact, it’s more likely to be a sign of defeat, discouragement, or slow death.
It may be a legitimate feeling. But if feelings are designed to prompt us to action, the only thing this feeling ever prompts us to do is make excuses, whine, or wave the white flag. In small doses it may be a call to action. But in standard use, it’s emotional poison, and I hate it.
So I’ve decided to lock this word in a vault and reserve it for special occasions. I may let it out every once in a while, but only with a chaperone. I suggest you do the same.
The word? [click to continue…]
Pam is a worrier. She knows she isn’t supposed to, but her underlying insecurity tends to frame every thought or situation in terms of what’s the worst thing that can happen. When people tell her it’s a sin to worry, she just worries more about that. She would like some joy in her life, but after a couple of times being burned or disappointed, she feels the need to protect herself from pain.
Pam is living in the tension of a core conflict. And so is her boss, Alex.
Alex lives his life in pursuit of excellence. Work excellence. Play excellence. Family excellence. Financial excellence. Your excellence if you get close enough. The problem is that everything has to be so excellent that most times nothing is. Because Alex can’t settle for ordinary in anything, he’s haunted by mediocrity in everything.
Alex is living in the tension of a core conflict. And so is his sister, Teri.
Teri is one of the walking wounded. Her life has been a vicious cycle of injury, followed by failure, followed by injury, followed by failure again. It seems that whenever she’s working on forgiving somebody else, she becomes haunted by her own past sins or consequences. These past mistakes and conflicts have left her fearful of trusting and shy of trying anything or anyone new in her life. She knows her version of “playing it safe” is only adding to the sadness. But she’d rather have a sad heart than a seared one.
Teri is living in the tension of a core conflict. And so is her son, Will. [click to continue…]
Tell them I said “hi.”
Will do.
Tell them I’m praying for them.
Okay. Do you want me to tell them what you’re praying?
That would be great. Tell them I’m praying that they may stand complete or perfect. And that they would stand fully assured in all the will of God.
Is that it?
Yeah, but that’s quite a bit.
Really?
Yeah. These days it’s pretty much all I do since I have all this free time on my hands. It’s basically become my job.
Your job? [click to continue…]
No one prepared me for how empty the Emptiness could be…
How vain the attempts would be
To fill it with things and times and feelings
That were never designed to satisfy.
It was like dropping feathers into the Grand Canyon…
Always wishing for a little more time and a little less wind.
(A few more feathers would be nice, too.)
But I would never have known the deep satisfaction
That only Your love could provide,
Had I not known the void created by a life
I tried to fill on my own terms.
But I know now I’m loved
With a love that fills deeply and completely.
And in this satisfied life… I’ve been blessed. [click to continue…]
The shortest correspondence in history had no words.
An exiled writer telegraphed his publisher in 1862 about public response to his latest book.
His message: the single character “?”
The reply: “!” [click to continue…]
(Giveaway alert: Keep reading to learn how you can win a free copy of John Smoltz’s new book, Starting and Closing.)
When I was in Virginia Beach a couple of weeks ago, I had a happy surprise. That Sunday afternoon I watched the Braves finish off a sweep of the Cardinals in St. Louis in what may be their last win of the season. I especially enjoyed having a chance to hear John Smoltz as one of the broadcasters. I told my son later how impressed I was that this man, who our whole family has enjoyed as a professional athlete, had brought that same professionalism (and humor) to the broadcast booth.
Imagine my surprise when I’m roaming the hotel at midnight in search of something not made by Pepsi, and there, 928 miles from St. Louis, is John Smoltz, having a midnight burger and fries.
“Andy!” he said. “How long has it been?”
“Forever, dude!” I replied. “I just saw you on TBS this afternoon! What are you doing here?”
“I’m here for an interview in the morning. Hey, I heard you spoke at the Servant Leadership Roundtable. How’d it go?”
“It went well, I think.”
“That’s awesome. Hey, I’ve been keeping up with the LifeVesting blog. I read it every chance I get.”
“Seriously? Man, that’s awesome. Did you tell Tommy we named our cat after him?”
“Yeah, he thinks that’s hilarious. Says you ought to name your next dog after Maddux and call him Mad Dog.”
+++++++
Okay, so… um… it didn’t exactly go like that. [click to continue…]
UPDATE: The giveaway has been moved to Tuesday, May 29. (Forgot it was Memorial Day Weekend.)
(Shameless Plug: Be watching Sunday, May 27, for our first-ever prize giveaway.)
The Thanksgiving holiday is still a long way off. The turkeys are still strutting around the barnyard as if life will go on forever.
Nobody’s playing football on TV, though I did hear that Peyton has started working out with his new team and somebody else has joined the sue-the-NFL club.
School is out this week in a lot of places, so maybe families will be getting together for the Memorial Day Weekend holiday. But I fear as a nation we’re just as thankless on Memorial Day as we typically are on the fourth Thursday in November.
So. Since nobody’s going around the table making you share what you’re thankful for, what are you thankful for? Since you haven’t eaten yourself into a ‘bout-to-pop stupor, what are you thankful for? Since nobody is having a pre-Christmas sale right now (that I know of), what are you thankful for? [click to continue…]
I know I’m not supposed to worry.
But…
I know I should have more faith in God.
But…
I know this should be an easy, clear decision.
But…
I want to pursue this direction.
But…
I long ago lost count of the number of times a counseling or coaching encounter started there. Here’s what I know. Here’s what I should be. Here’s what I want.
But…
These are the starting points of conversations about something we all encounter – core conflicts. [click to continue…]
In my job I encounter a lot of difficult people in situations. I’m having a hard time seeing them in God’s eyes, so how do you love unlovable people?
