Expectations

Garth Brooks

Count me in.  I now know what all the fuss is about.

Went to hear Garth Brooks in concert over the weekend in Birmingham, Alabama.  Definitely a step outside of my routine, but anybody with experience I talked to about the upcoming event told me, “It’s one of the best, if not THE best, concert experiences you will ever experience.”

Yeah, that.

Six of us took a road trip with center-section, row 9 seats.  Close enough to see the sweat and be covered when the confetti dropped.  And as-advertised, it was an extraordinary experience.  In part I felt like an outsider looking in because I didn’t know every word of every song like most of the crowd apparently did.  But on this night it didn’t matter. I was part of something bigger than myself, regardless of my lack of experience.  Garth and his team saw to that.

Now before you “Older Brother” types write me off and resume your search for friends in HIGH places, hang with me.  I’ve had some time to think about what we saw and heard that night. I’ve looked at it through several different lenses.  A leadership lens.  An organization lens. Even a Church World lens. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned that can speak to your world, too. [click to continue…]

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Isolation

Some of the most profound lessons in life can only be discovered face down in a proverbial ditch.  And that’s where I found myself about 25 years ago.  My career was crumbling. My family life was devastated. Whatever influence I had was waning quickly.  My dreams were being shattered.  I was a complete failure privately, and was about to be exposed as one publicly.  And for the moment, it was right where God wanted me to be.

There as life was crashing in all around me, I asked the Lord one of the most life-changing questions I could have asked, and He was gracious enough to give me an answer.

How did I wind up here?

The Lord showed me three things – three huge, blinding, colossal choices or habits that set me up for a trip to the ditch.  The first I’ve already covered here – I allowed myself to get discouraged in one area of my life, and soon discouragement spread like spiritual cancer.

Here is the second.  I read it on the 18th of the month – I know this because it was in Proverbs 18. But reading it was like reading a lab report on the condition of my heart.

A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment (Proverbs 18:1, NKJ)

At first blush it was obvious what that meant.  I was a pastor.  I was a public figure who made my living with words and relationships and eternal truths.  I was “on” 24/7, or so I thought.  So I gave every effort to play the part.  I smiled pastor smiles. I prayed pastor prayers.  I said pastor things.  And when people asked me how I was doing, I gave pastor replies.  “Good!” I would say, smiling.

I never told anybody otherwise.

I never shared what my biggest, most challenging obstacles were.  I never shared the depths of what my dreams were, either for myself or for the church.  I never told anybody I had gotten discouraged. I never asked for wisdom or help. I was a professional problem solver. I was supposed to be the solution to other people’s problems and the complete solution to my own… all the while presenting a front and leaving an impression that all was well.

The only way to pull all this off was to isolate myself.  I even had a name for it – I called it “transparency to a point.”  I would let people see and hear enough to believe I was being open and honest, but wouldn’t tell them too much.

Why?  Pride, for sure, but that’s the third answer to the question… more on that later.  Why isolate, then?  Because I didn’t want people advising me to do what I didn’t want to do.  I didn’t want to ask for anybody else’s help to succeed.  And I didn’t want to expose my life and work to somebody else’s opinion, wisdom, or direction.

In short, I isolated myself, and I was an idiot to do so.  I would caution you against the same mistake. [click to continue…]

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I know I’m not supposed to worry.

But…

I know I should have more faith in God.

But…

I know this should be an easy, clear decision.

But…

I want to pursue this direction.

But…

I long ago lost count of the number of times a counseling or coaching encounter started there.  Here’s what I know.  Here’s what I should be.  Here’s what I want.

But…

These are the starting points of conversations about something we all encounter – core conflicts. [click to continue…]

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‘Tis the season. . . to roll your eyes whenever somebody starts something with “’Tis the season!”

Anyway…

This is the season to give, give give!  Toys for Tots, help for the homeless, marches for missions, and then, of course, those never-ending shopping lists. 

With all the emphasis on giving, how about a nice change of pace?  You’ve heard that God loves a cheerful giver.   Well, guess what givers like?  Cheerful receivers! 

Did you know it’s possible to actually motivate someone to be thoughtful and generous, to feel good about themselves and you?  It all comes when you learn the wonderful art of being a good receiver.  Here are seven ways you can do that: [click to continue…]

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Limitations and Letdowns

by Andy Wood on May 14, 2009

in Insight, Life Currency, LV Cycle, Waiting

(The Four Faces of Disappointment – Part 2)

d0001231I’m not asking for much.  I just want all my expectations fulfilled, and a complete removal of all limitations.

Of course… then I wouldn’t need God.  Then I’d BE God.

Disappointments are a startling, sometimes rude reminder that the job of God of the Universe has already been filled.

Yesterday I mentioned that in my own experiences of painful disappointment, like the experience of the children of Israel, four “faces” of disappointment have emerged.  The first two were delays and distressing people.  But I have found two other ways that God deliberately allows us to “feel the burn.”

3.  Dead Ends

These have to do with measurable limitations – things like life expectancy, dollars, and distance.  Dead ends often lead us to question God’s integrity, because He seems to be contradicting Himself.

It’s like one man said, “I thought becoming a Christian was the end of all my troubles.”  It is – the front end!

Examples of dead ends are everywhere: [click to continue…]

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diggingI heard a funny story recently about a lady with certain-colored hair, who was in a desperate financial condition.  The details are a little hazy, but here goes:

She knelt down beside her bed and prayed, “Oh God, please help me win the lottery.  If I don’t win the lottery, they’re coming to cut my power off.”  She didn’t win the lottery, and her power was cut off.  She prayed again to win the lottery to avoid losing her car.  She didn’t win the lottery, and her car was repossessed.  A third time she prayed to win the lottery.  This time, the bank foreclosed on her house.  She prayed again, frustrated and angry.  “If this is how you treat your children, I’ll never pray again.”

About that time, there was a knock at the door.  She opened it to find a stranger.  “I have a message from the Lord,” the stranger said.  “Would you PLEASE buy a ticket”?

We serve a God who is capable of doing “far more abundantly above all we could ever ask or think” (Ephesians 3:30).  But He insists that somehow we get involved in the process.

Two Candidates for a Miracle

This is illustrated in back-to-back stories in 2 Kings 3-4.  Two different people summoned the prophet Elisha.  The first was the king of Israel, whose army was dehydrated and facing sure defeat.  The second was the widow of a prophet, who was facing the loss of her sons to slavery to pay off her creditor.

Elisha advised similar things.  [click to continue…]

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This just in… modern newlyweds are increasingly dealing with “the bridal blues.”  Doctors report that the expectations of newlyweds are so high, and married life such a letdown after all the planning and excitement of the big day, that an increasing number of brides are suffering post-nuptial depression.  The feelgood factor fades so fast that up to 10 per cent of couples suffer enough remorse, sadness or frustration to seek counseling.

Wow.  You mean it wasn’t whispy clouds and fairy dust as you lived happily ever after?  And Franck Eggelhoffer isn’t there to plan the details of your marriage like he did your wedding?  And Daddy’s not there to pay your bills?  And sex doesn’t cure everything, or come with an orchestra in your bedroom?  And to add insult to injury, you find yourself married to a sometimes-sweaty, stinky boy, who leaves socks and underwear on the floor?  Or to a woman, who – get this – ain’t yo’ mamma, your maid, or your madame?  She’s no Cinderella, and you’re not exactly Prince Charming.

Those expectations take you for a ride sometimes, don’t they?

Dr. Terry Eagan has a name for post-wedding depression. He calls it the secret sadness.  Why? Because the women who suffer from it are often too embarrassed to tell anybody. And men simply bottle up their feelings.

The Secret Sadness is real.  And it isn’t limited to newlyweds. [click to continue…]

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I don’t have to win.

I don’t have to lead.

I don’t have to debt.

I don’t have to worry.

I don’t have to be first.

I don’t have to survive.

I don’t have to give up.

I don’t have to overeat.

I don’t have to be right.

I don’t have to succeed.

I don’t have to be afraid.

I don’t have to get angry.

I don’t have to be served.

I don’t have to look good.

I don’t have to be noticed.

I don’t have to cradle pain.

I don’t have to have things.

I don’t have to be offended.

I don’t have to be stressed.

I don’t have to feel rejected.

I don’t have to procrastinate.

I don’t have to resist change.

I don’t have to be depressed.

I don’t have to defend myself.

I don’t have to always say yes.

I don’t have to spend all I earn.

I don’t have to hide my failures.

I don’t have to control outcomes.

I don’t have to get instant results.

I don’t have to hide from the truth.

I don’t have to hide from intimacy.

I don’t have to harbor resentment.

I don’t have to feel sorry for myself.

I don’t have to judge others’ motives.

I don’t have to blame myself or others.

I don’t have to be thanked for what I do.

I don’t have to take counsel of my fears.

I don’t have to crave words of affirmation.

I don’t have to repeat destructive behavior.

I don’t have to compare myself with others.

I don’t have to criticize weakness in others.

I don’t have to envy the blessings of others.

I don’t have to live in the shadow of my past.

I don’t have to spend money to impress others.

I don’t have to see every (or any) expectation fulfilled.

(I’m sure there’s plenty more I’ll discover.  How about you?  What does your language of surrender/freedom sound like?)

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