by Andy Wood on November 18, 2013
in Spoofs
December 1944. The 101st Airborne, under the command of General Anthony McAuliffe, held the little town of Bastogne, Belgium, “at all costs” under siege by the German army. On the morning of December 22, four Germans came up the road carrying a white flag. Everybody hoped they were offering to surrender. Instead, they presented an ultimatum from the German commander: “the honorable surrender of the encircled town.”
McAuliffe glanced at the message and said, “Aw, nuts!”
A sergeant sent the one-word reply and the rest is profound military history.
What we didn’t know until today is that McAuliffe was actually saying he missed those mixed nuts his mama used to make and have out for all the company at Christmas time.
That’s the power of Turkey Nuts®, friends. They can change history. (Or at least try to rewrite it.)
And now, for the first time ever, the LifeVesting Culinary Institute is making available our own patented recipe. And because this information is so potentially beneficial to you, we are offering it as investment in your health, absolutely free of charge.
You’re welcome. [click to continue…]
It’s one thing to feel a little distressed or stuck. Jordan was way past that. Jordan’s soul was imprisoned, and he saw no way out. His winsome smile and kind eyes belied the addictive behavior that Jordan was powerless to control.
Haley had a soul prison of her own. Her chains bore the marks of a woman who felt completely alone and desperate for connection – any connection. Her life zigged and zagged from trying too hard to living as a virtual recluse.
For Joni, the imprisoned soul took the form of simply assuming that her life would always be this way. Her dreams long dead, Joni spends her days going through the motions of a life stuck in mindless ruts from which there is no escape.
How about you? How free are you to dream, to feel, to choose? Do you have the power to choose joy, love, or paths to fulfillment? Do you still believe, with conviction, that it’s possible to live the live you have imagined, not just the hand you’ve been dealt? If the answers to those questions are, well, questionable, maybe you, too, have an imprisoned soul. [click to continue…]
“The strongest man who ever lived – our Savior, Jesus – experienced and showed very deep emotion.”
-Charles Stanley, Emotions
Try to have a serious conversation about feelings – unless of course you’re in a therapist’s office – and you’ll run into two possible ditches. The first typically comes from men, who start shuffling uncomfortably and muttering something about not being very emotional. They are emotional, of course, but to this crowd, emotions are what you have when the power goes out with two minutes to go in a tight Super Bowl. At best, emotions are something you deal with, but certainly not something you talk about, for crying out loud.
The other ditch tends to be populated more by women, and treats emotions as little gods or dictators of our state, against which we are powerless to do anything except bow down. Their banner: “I can’t help it – it’s just the way I feel.” When Debby Boone sang, “It can’t be wrong if it feels so right,” this crowd wiped a tear and lit a candle.
That’s why I’m glad Charles Stanley has brought some truth and balance to the conversation in his new book, Emotions: Confront the Lies, Conquer With Truth. Dr. Stanley profoundly shaped my life and ministry with a sermon series on the same subject many years ago. Through him I learned, among other things, that all emotions are God-given, and it’s healthy to get a grasp on what their original purpose was/is. Also, however, all emotions are also sin-corrupted. Because of that, many people live in the grip of painful, devastating emotions that they feel powerless to overcome. [click to continue…]
You’ve been told how special you are, how good you have it, even in spiritual circles what an Overcomer you are. But what you hear doesn’t seem to match up with what you see. You look at the rainbows and unicorns of somebody’s social media status and all you seem to see in your life are the clouds and jackasses.
Maybe it’s time for a reality check. Maybe it’s time for a Come to Jesus meeting, where you actually come to Jesus. There with a good dose of truth, faith, and courage you will see that you actually are more than a conqueror. Yet you still must overcome.
Why?
Because every motion forward… in kingdom life, in relationships, and in your own personal growth runs headlong into resistance.
Even special people.
Even blessed people.
Even Overcomers must overcome.
Your identity isn’t a badge you wear to feel good. It’s a weapon you’re given to enforce the truth. Maybe it’s time to sharpen that sword. Without a doubt, it’s time to overcome. [click to continue…]
Charles is nothing short of an odd combination. He’s an immensely popular preacher and pastor, having preached to more people than anyone else on the planet, with the exception of Billy Graham and perhaps a couple of others. Yet while he rarely shows it, he’s a physical mess. He suffers from rheumatic gout and kidney disease, and there are days he can’t even leave the house because of the excruciating pain.
His wife is a mess. This woman, whom he loves dearly, has disabilities of her own, and this weighs heavily on Charles.
His finances are a mess. Despite the reach of Charles’ ministry, a sober look at his books reveals an ugly secret: the man is broke-down broke.
His relationships are a mess. [click to continue…]
Thank you for calling the Affordable Car Administration. This is Brenda, how may I direct your call?
Hi Brenda, this is An… Hey, you sound familiar. Didn’t I talk to you about needing an attorney because I left my keys in the car?
Why yes, I believe you did! Mr. Wood, is it?
Yeah, that’s me. And then you were at that firm looking for heroes or something?
Quite correct, sir. Unfortunately that didn’t work out so well.
Why’s that?
The recession. All our heroes were unemployed, so they signed up for government work.
And the attorneys?
The same. You know that they say… “The best place for an out-of-work lawyer is in making more laws for all of us to enjoy!”
Well I’m glad to hear a familiar voice there, Brenda. I’m in a world of hurt. I just got this notice in the mail that says, “Your current vehicle is being discontinued as of January 1.” Then I’m supposed to purchase a new one that meets the minimum requirements of the ACA?
Well congratulations are certainly in order, sir! I know you’re going to enjoy driving your new automobile. [click to continue…]
What do you do when you’re the leader and somebody on your team drops the ball? Or worse, in their zeal for your cause, they do more harm than good? Every leader would relish having people with the strength of a bull on their team. We just don’t want the bulls charging into china shops.
Leadership is forged during awkward times. During periods of public strain, pain, or frustration, our attention turns to those we presume to be in leadership. On a national scale, for example, people in the United States turn to the president to help make sense of their fearful or angry moments (and we’ve had our share of those lately).
They assume that leaders have something to say. They watch instead for what the leader actually does. They’re not looking for place holders. They’re looking for leaders who have a sense for how to please them as they lead them. And as leaders throughout time have discovered, there is no such thing as private or secret leadership. Heck, even the Secret Service isn’t that secret.
In between the stories of his giant killing and his adultery dodging, an obscure little verse in the Bible describes how people responded to its beloved King David. It’s every leader’s dream come true: [click to continue…]
The stress you feel is proportional to the amount of control you have over a situation.
That sounds very intuitive, but there’s a spiritual contradiction to that. More on that in a minute.
Here’s an example of how that idea works out in the natural. A month ago I go to the doctor and he says my lipid levels are high. I roll my eyes and say, “same old same old.” I don’t get stressed about it because there is something I can do to correct it. Anyway, I’ve been hearing that for 30 years.
When he sends me for another test and I find out my heart calcium score is high, almost in the danger zone, again, the first thing I do is look for something I can do about it, because I have a steadfast belief that I can do something about it. So I’m motivated, but not stressed.
Same thing goes, even when I’m told I’m a Type II diabetic because of my lifestyle choices in the past. Well, crud. But I can do something about that by making different choices (and by the way I am making different choices and seeing wonderful results).
But when the doctor says I have a narrowing in the arteries at the top of my heart and he “wants to take a look at it” with an angiogram, and oh, by the way, if there is a significant enough blockage he may put a stint in it, suddenly he has crossed the line of my control.
Hello stress. [click to continue…]
For all the ways you may have been blessed
Or tried to bless others,
And all the ways you have received
Or given value in this life,
After all the ways that people measure contributions
Or celebrate distinction,
The greatest legacy you could ever leave
Is that you were loved first, and loved in return.
That takes a lot of grace. And a little bit of faith. [click to continue…]
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You (Psalm 139:17-18).
Quantity and Quality. That’s how to measure God’s thoughts toward you. And in both distinctions, His thoughts toward you are immeasurable. [click to continue…]
December 1944. The 101st Airborne, under the command of General Anthony McAuliffe, held the little town of Bastogne, Belgium, “at all costs” under siege by the German army. On the morning of December 22, four Germans came up the road carrying a white flag. Everybody hoped they were offering to surrender. Instead, they presented an ultimatum from the German commander: “the honorable surrender of the encircled town.”
