When everything’s urgent and demands attention now…
And everywhere you turn invites stress at best, frustration at worst…
It’s hard to think, much less act, positively.
So remember again how you eat that elephant… [click to continue…]
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In the mood for a little detective work? Care to uncover a secret that may have right in front of our noses for years? It certainly was in mine, and I was oblivious.
Would you be interested in mining out some clues if I told you that when you do, you may have discovered one of the most powerful life and success principles known to humanity? And that if you master this one skill, the transformation in your own life, to say nothing of your influence and circumstances, can be breathtaking?
Am I exaggerating? No, if anything I’m understating the potential of this discovery.
Getting this – I mean really getting it – can explain why you tend to sabotage yourself after you’ve made progress toward a goal.
It may explain why churches or individual leaders lose their influence, or why they nourish it.
It may explain why you have made progress toward healing, then somehow hit a wall.
It may explain why your relationships go in frustrating cycles – hot today, cold tomorrow… intimate today, lonely later.
Finding this secret is like discovering a clock on your wall that’s been there the whole time, quietly ticking away, pointing to the correct time, but you may have never noticed it. In one sense it’s obvious – in another, it probably calls for a closer look than you have given it.
Will it help you win the lottery? Doubtful. But it could lead you to a place where you never pine away for sudden wealth again.
Will it solve all your relationship problems? Maybe, maybe not. But it will position you to gain the most from every relationship you have or want to have, whether others cooperate or not.
I wish I could tell you that this secret has been locked away in some government vault and is now being released to a select few, and that if you pay me $3,999.00 I will share it with you, along with seven free bonus offers. But the thing is, this secret has been in open view for anybody to see – and it’s free.
Still here? Ready? Okay, no more hype. [click to continue…]
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(A Brief Conversation about symbols and change and heritage and hate and other awkward things…)
What’s wrong with it? It represents who I am.
It also represents some things you don’t want to be.
It’s my heritage!
Some would say it’s hatred. [click to continue…]
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(My dad with Great-Grandchild #9, Archer Wiley)
I’ve been simmering on this for a while, and I figured since I’m away from home this Father’s Day, this would be a good day and a good way to honor my dad. My daughter Carrie did this for me last year and reposted it again here. I also wrote this about what I learned from my Mama last year.
Regardless of the many influences and teachers I’ve been blessed by over the years, none of them has taught or influenced me more than my dad. I have mentioned often that I was blessed to have a father who actually wanted to be a dad and influenced me to want to be one. With 8 grandkids of my own now, I would say that desire has definitely passed through to another generation.
There are many practical things my dad taught me over the years, including how to drive a nail, play dominos, put on a jacket without bunching up your sleeve, ride a bicycle, and bathe the 36 different body parts that need cleaning up every day.
But what interests me most are the ideas that still speak to me today as principles. These are transferrable to almost any endeavor. I could just as well title this, “Ten Things My Dad Would Teach to Pastors,” or “Ten Things My Dad Could Teach to School Teachers.”
So here, in no certain order, are ten lessons that still speak to me most every day. I’m sure there are many more than this, but these are for starters. See if they don’t speak to you on some level, while my daddy says, “Your welcome!” [click to continue…]
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Elisabeth Elliot is one of the most impactful writers I have read. She was always on my bucket list of people I hoped to meet one day. We’ll now have to plan for that in glory, as she went into the presence of Jesus two days ago. I thought I would share with you something from her book Loneliness about the subject of waiting. The writing is hers; the editing is mine. Thank you, Elisabeth, for being one of my lifevestors…
Many times in my life God has asked me to wait when I wanted to move forward.
He has kept me in the dark when I asked for light.
To my pleas for guidance His answer has often been, “Sit still, My daughter.” [click to continue…]
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Count me in. I now know what all the fuss is about.
Went to hear Garth Brooks in concert over the weekend in Birmingham, Alabama. Definitely a step outside of my routine, but anybody with experience I talked to about the upcoming event told me, “It’s one of the best, if not THE best, concert experiences you will ever experience.”
Yeah, that.
Six of us took a road trip with center-section, row 9 seats. Close enough to see the sweat and be covered when the confetti dropped. And as-advertised, it was an extraordinary experience. In part I felt like an outsider looking in because I didn’t know every word of every song like most of the crowd apparently did. But on this night it didn’t matter. I was part of something bigger than myself, regardless of my lack of experience. Garth and his team saw to that.
Now before you “Older Brother” types write me off and resume your search for friends in HIGH places, hang with me. I’ve had some time to think about what we saw and heard that night. I’ve looked at it through several different lenses. A leadership lens. An organization lens. Even a Church World lens. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned that can speak to your world, too. [click to continue…]
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Rejection is one of the most brutal experiences you and I can face. To say it hurts like hell may not be far from the literal truth.
Psychologists have learned some things about rejection…
Research tells us that rejection travels the same neural pathways in the brain that physical pain does. In other words, otherwise-unexplained physical pain may have been triggered by the experience or memory of rejection.
Rejection isolates us from people who didn’t reject us, unless we take steps to reconnect.
Rejection causes surges of anger and aggression (gangs, anyone?).
Finally, rejection makes us temporarily stupid. It literally lowers your IQ and makes you unresponsive to reason for a time. (Translation: Don’t make vows or major decisions – especially with the word “never” in it – after being rejected.)
In the biblical story of Joseph, you can find the roots of rejection, as I explored in the previous post. Joseph lived a very uncertain childhood, marked by the death of his mother and the preferential doting of his dad. He was a dreamer and, to his brothers, something of a goody-two-shoes. All of this set him up to be the objected of their jealousy and hatred.
What no one knew at the time, however, was that rejection can serve as a trap door, straight into the arms (and plans) of God. And that’s where Joseph learned the truth about rejection. [click to continue…]
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What did rejection look like to you on the school playground? What about Junior High? College?
What did rejection look like after you got married, or started a family? What does it look like today in your workplace or your worship space?
Describing your experience with rejection is like describing an encounter with a snake. Each experience is a little different, and the beast appears differently in every scene. But in each case the result leaves a story to tell and an emotional experience to re-live or respond to.
I’ve had my own experiences, of course. And I’ve seen it played out in countless lives…
Like the 59-year-old woman who said of her then-76-year-old mother, “Just once I wish I could hear my mother say I did something right.”
Or the only-child high school student who was rejected by his friends because he had a helicopter mother before the term was ever invented. She meddled, and her son, whom she was trying to help and advance, was hated all the more.
Then there was the businessman who was rejected in the business world because he was part of a revolutionary approach to financial services, but was obnoxious about it.
I knew a pastor once who was rejected by the deacons in his church. After years of service, they felt that it was time for a change. So they gave him a deadline and asked him to find somewhere else to go. When he was unable to, they cornered him about resigning, and he turned the rejection tables back on them. Unbeknownst to them, he showed up one Sunday morning with has car packed, he got up at sermon time, explained that he’d been asked to resign, and walked out the door. Ouch.
It may surprise you to know that some of the most memorable and powerful success stories in history are people whose lives arose from the ashes of rejection. [click to continue…]
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I’m going to ask you a series of “first impression” questions. The goal is to have a good answer without thinking or analyzing too much.
If things like this make you anxious, relax. You’re in complete control here.
You may want to really put some legs under this exercise by writing down your answers somewhere.
Okay, ready? Give your first answer to the following questions. [click to continue…]
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Some of the most profound lessons in life can only be discovered face down in a proverbial ditch. And that’s where I found myself about 25 years ago. My career was crumbling. My family life was devastated. Whatever influence I had was waning quickly. My dreams were being shattered. I was a complete failure privately, and was about to be exposed as one publicly. And for the moment, it was right where God wanted me to be.
There as life was crashing in all around me, I asked the Lord one of the most life-changing questions I could have asked, and He was gracious enough to give me an answer.
How did I wind up here?
The Lord showed me three things – three huge, blinding, colossal choices or habits that set me up for a trip to the ditch. The first I’ve already covered here – I allowed myself to get discouraged in one area of my life, and soon discouragement spread like spiritual cancer.
Here is the second. I read it on the 18th of the month – I know this because it was in Proverbs 18. But reading it was like reading a lab report on the condition of my heart.
A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment (Proverbs 18:1, NKJ)
At first blush it was obvious what that meant. I was a pastor. I was a public figure who made my living with words and relationships and eternal truths. I was “on” 24/7, or so I thought. So I gave every effort to play the part. I smiled pastor smiles. I prayed pastor prayers. I said pastor things. And when people asked me how I was doing, I gave pastor replies. “Good!” I would say, smiling.
I never told anybody otherwise.
I never shared what my biggest, most challenging obstacles were. I never shared the depths of what my dreams were, either for myself or for the church. I never told anybody I had gotten discouraged. I never asked for wisdom or help. I was a professional problem solver. I was supposed to be the solution to other people’s problems and the complete solution to my own… all the while presenting a front and leaving an impression that all was well.
The only way to pull all this off was to isolate myself. I even had a name for it – I called it “transparency to a point.” I would let people see and hear enough to believe I was being open and honest, but wouldn’t tell them too much.
Why? Pride, for sure, but that’s the third answer to the question… more on that later. Why isolate, then? Because I didn’t want people advising me to do what I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to ask for anybody else’s help to succeed. And I didn’t want to expose my life and work to somebody else’s opinion, wisdom, or direction.
In short, I isolated myself, and I was an idiot to do so. I would caution you against the same mistake. [click to continue…]
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