The question was relevant and greatly needed. A wife in couples counseling once asked, “How do I deal with resentment so that I don’t explode at my husband and say things I’ll regret?”
“You toss the Oreo,” I replied.
To their honestly-delighted quizzical looks (she loved Oreos), I explained:
Here’s a communication technique that can help you communicate your feelings and ask for your partner’s help. I call it “tossing the Oreo.” And no, I don’t mean getting mad and hurling cookies at your spouse!
This is for all you jocks, coach dads, and soccer moms out there who never were in the band or had a kid in one. Other than my year of football futility, the primary point of my non-academic energy was spent in the band. And during football season, I got to wear the fuzzy hat. Yep, I was the drum major – the band’s field director during my junior and senior year.
The high point of marching season was traveling to either the Florida or Mississippi coast to participate in a regional band contest. Can you imagine the energy, the excitement that fills a stadium when more than 30 bands gather and perform, with no football team in sight for miles? Unlike football games, where half the crowd heads for the concession stands, at a contest people in the stands cheer loudly for every slick move, every powerful burst through the line. And did I mention that there isn’t a football team in sight?
Thirty years ago, on the first Sunday of April 1978, I became part of a church pastoral staff for the first time. (This is me about 10 years later, in 1988.) Yesterday the awesome people I get to do life with every week made a special day even more special by surprising me with a gift clock.
Over the last 30 years, the Lord has been a very faithful teacher, even when I wasn’t being faithful to him. Here’s a sampling what I have learned, and continue to learn – listed in reverse order of impact.
30. There is nothing on God’s green earth like a seventh or eighth-grade girl.
29. To be effective in youth ministry, kids should see you as an advocate, and adults should see you as an authority. When that gets reversed, it’s time to get out of youth ministry… maybe be a senior pastor.
28. Age, young or otherwise, does not dictate your effectiveness in ministry.
27. The truth of God’s word and a love for people transcends culture and location.
26. Like Jonah, you can’t run from your calling for very long.
Kinetic Church was robbed. I don’t mean by the refs in the church league basketball tournament. I mean a thief (or thieves) stole a trailer containing 75% of the Charlotte area congregation’s equipment in early March, leaving the portable church with virtually nothing.
What would you do? How would you respond? How would you define your life if you discovered that three-fourths of your tangible assets – to say nothing of the hundreds of man-hours invested in labor – were instantly gone?
Can’t relate? How about the time somebody stole your dreams or your hope? Or your reputation? Or your innocence? Or your marriage?
You won’t believe what these guys did.
They went on the offensive. They started a billboard campaign with five different messages, as well as a YouTube video aimed directly at the thief. Check out the video below.
Kinetic Church’s response illustrates some powerful lessons in transforming painful experiences into remarkable opportunities:
“I can shoot straight, if I don’t have to shoot too far.”
“I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.”
-Scarlett O’Hara, “Gone With the Wind”
Everybody is fascinated with Scarlett. But nobody wants to admit how much like her we can be.
One way to understand LifeVesting is to define it in terms of what it isn’t. LifeVestors have four alter-egos: consumers, hoarders, gamblers, and codependents. Today I’d like to introduce you to the first.
While in the purest economic sense everyone is a spender, the Consumers I’m talking about are takers. They spend their money, their time, their relationships on today’s wants and needs. Their primary focus is on themselves – though not always in an intentionally selfish way. They come to church for what they can get out of it. They spend their time and money in ways that, when spent, are gone forever. For them, there is no other moment but now. Tomorrow will take care of itself.
Take a look at this exquisite photo. It was taken by a guy in the UK named Wez Smith. I found it yesterday, and remembered again what an amazingly beautiful world is that we live in.
Know what it is?
I’ll tell you in a minute.
Don’t you love how even the seeming imperfections of each petal all come together to form a beautiful whole?
How even the “rough edges” all come together in a symphony of striking color?
How whatever that seed part in the middle is called (I’m no botanist) suggests the amazing reproducible wonder of future life? Future potential? Even more beauty?
There are four things – and only four things – you can spend your money on. Like me, you may keep up with your finances with computer program that has a vast array of categories. You may be a day planner diva, able instantly to analyze what occupies your time. But it still comes down to just four things.
Are you a leader, or a leader wannabe? There are four – and only four – directions of leadership.
There are four – and only four – foundations of wisdom.
Same goes for other LifeVesting Currencies – esteem, love, words, and abilities. There are four sources or directions for each:
Okay, first take a look at the following 60-second video. SPOILER ALERT BELOW! Then click on “Read the rest of this entry” if you’re on the home page and let’s talk about it.
Have you ever wished God would just make it easy? That He would fly over your house in a blimp, or sky-write His will so that it was plain and obvious? Have you ever envied the angel-set – those seemingly lucky (ahem – “blessed”) souls who had Michael or Gabriel drop by for tea and prophecy?
A few years ago somebody in Jacksonville (I think) started a nationwide conversation with a series of billboard messages supposedly from God. I’m sure you’ve seen some of them. (Example: “Which part of ‘Thou Shalt Not’ do you not understand?” -God). They were clever, sometimes convicting, sometimes sarcastic and funny. But in case you were wondering, it really wasn’t God Himself who designed the ad campaign.
What if God really did rent a billboard? Would it be easier, simpler, clearer to hear His voice? I doubt it.
“You wanna see what the room looks like?” Geoffrey asked. “The room” was the hotel room where my son was staying. Geoffrey was his best man and is his best friend.
I was a bit out of the loop. I thought I was going to be looking at a brochure of the Houston Marriott or something. What Geoffrey brought instead was a camera.
Off and on during this wedding day I had wondered what the heck Joel was up to. Why was he running behind? Why wasn’t he at the church when I thought he was supposed to be? Why were people calling, looking for him? What was so important?
I had showed up at the church about 4:45 – 15 minutes late myself. He was nowhere to be found. Getting the car washed, Geoffrey said.
Car washed! Photographer was waiting, people were wondering, and he? He was washing.
Now, some five hours later, that clean car has just left the building with the newlyweds on board. And Geoffrey is scrolling through the pictures on his camera. These weren’t publicity pics. They were the results of a groom’s labor to prepare a place – a special place – for his bride. I’ll spare you the details, but there were candles, rose petals, a picnic basket, and much more, I’m sure.
The question was relevant and greatly needed. A wife in couples counseling once asked, “How do I deal with resentment so that I don’t explode at my husband and say things I’ll regret?”
