Have you ever woken up first thing in the morning and realized you were in a museum?
And you were what was on display?
You may not have recognized the location at first because everything seemed so real. You were traveling through one mental display after another of your past life.
Names.
Faces.
Feelings.
Friends.
Sometimes the scenes are wistful and happy reminders of people and days gone by. Sometimes you’re reliving the glory days. But sometimes it plays out more like a horror movie or a disaster cleanup. It’s ugly – and you’re the reason.
It may be a new day on the outside, but in here you’re trapped in the old ones. [click to continue…]
An old fable passed down for generations (and doctored a little bit)…
An elderly man was traveling with a boy and a donkey. As they walked through a village, the man was leading the donkey and the boy was walking behind. The young people there said the old man was a fool for not riding, so to please them he climbed on the animal’s back.
When they came to the next village, the moms in the crowd said the old man was cruel to let the child walk while he enjoyed the ride. To please them, he got off and set the boy on the donkey’s back and continued on his way.
In the third village, senior adults accused the child of being lazy for making the old man walk. The suggestion was made that they both ride. So the man climbed on and they set off again.
In the fourth village, the animal rights activists were indignant at the cruelty to the donkey because he was made to carry two people.
The frustrated man was last seen carrying the donkey down the road. [click to continue…]
Imagine for a minute that you’re five years old. You have taken your crayons and, on your own initiative, made a card for your grandparents. No special occasion… just an “I love you” message of your own design.
Hopefully you are motivated by a simple desire to express love to your grandparents. At the same time, even at age five, you probably also assume that your parents, teacher(s) or somebody will also be proud of you.
Praise you.
Approve of you.
The big word for that: validated. And it feels good.
But what if you got something else in return? [click to continue…]
I have a confession to make. It won’t come as a big surprise to those who know me best or work with me closest.
Deep breath – here goes…
I have a hard time saying, “No.”
There, I said it. I like making people happy, and for as long as I can remember, I couldn’t stand to disappoint people or hurt their feelings.
In balance, that can be a good thing. Helps with the whole relationships and people skills thing and all. Out of balance, it can lead to some bad choices at work and some really unhealthy life choices as well.
In its ultimate expression, people-pleasers become codependents. Originating from our understanding of the behavior of the spouses of addicts, we have since learned that you don’t have to be involved with an addict to manifest that type of behavior.
Like the other three LifeVesting alter-egos – consumers, hoarders, and gamblers – pleasers twist a virtue into a vice. In the area of their life resources, they use their resources to buy love or approval. Often cloaked in an illusion of responsibility, these people give out of an unhealthy desire to “fix” someone they love, or rescue them (often repeatedly) from a crisis.
[click to continue…]
Have you ever woken up first thing in the morning and realized you were in a museum?
