Yesterday I was talking to an old friend on the phone, and heard myself say something before I realized what I was saying. (Does that ever happen to you, or am I just weird?)
Before I tell you what I said, I guess I need to fill in some white space first.
A few days ago I had an experience that left me disappointed and hurt. The details aren’t important; what is important is what happened in my heart as a result of it. I will tell you that it was a church wound (one of the most difficult of all), and that I had similar initial feelings to other kinds of pain in my life. I wanted to go into a cave and hide. I was fearful of being hurt again. I wanted to be angry and pout.
But almost immediately, I noticed another kind of result in my spirit. I was sobered. Humbled. Unusually aware of the holiness, wisdom, and love of God. Emotionally and mentally aware that God is no man, that I can fool, manipulate, or even impress Him. Even more aware that neither I nor any man can despise the profound work of grace He has made in my life.
And regardless of how any of us behave, He still owns His church. I can sit on my high horse or hide in my cave all I want, but at the end of the day, He is still God, and still expects me to reflect His character and power. And He will even use busybodies, gossips, accusers and politickers in Church World to make His case.
Ouch.
I don’t know that I have ever been in a painful situation in which I was more aware of the awareness of God. And if I may say so, even in the pain, I felt safe and loved.
Here is what I said to my friend, after I filled in some details: [click to continue…]
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